Movie Review: Freaky Ali…Two Hour Punishment

Gulp, it’s golf. So there’s this poor guy who sells chuddies on the street who belatedly discovers that he could be a champ at the rich man’s sport.

Wait wait wait, but till we come to the end, what transpires for two hours is an experience that tastes worse than a pudding gone sour.

Aargh, indeed the Sohail Khan-directed Freaky Ali, prompted me to sprint as far away as I possibly could from the multiplex-located gully. If I didn’t take to my heels in the intermission, it was only because there’s this line of duty. Result: I remained in my seat with due diligence. Sigh.

A reviewer, you see, has to stay on till the bitter-end (you don’t have to, so do take your running shoes along). Also, the story credited to Sohail bhai, prompted me to wish that I could shoot off an email to Adam Sandler who had also turned into an overnight golf pro in Happy Gilmore.

And that too, exactly 10 years ago. Truly, madly, sincerely, perhaps Sohail bhai’s intention was to salute Sandler for completing a decade of that Happy G’more. Stranger things have inspired movie projects. Or could it be that apna picturewalla log have run out of ideas?  Which actually is as calamitous as running out of petrol on a lonely, spook-infested highway.

Jaane bhi do yaaron. Sohail Khan had to resume direction after that mega-headache of a movie, Jai Ho, and so he’s back. To keep the budget on the low side supposedly, he has cast Nawazuddin Siddiqui as the flop Chuddy Ali who’s inveigled by a buddy (Arbaaz Khan) to work for a bumbling goon (Nikitin Dheer). The job is to extort money from all and sundry. The goon’s seems like a certified cuckoo but what the hell, in Mumbai nothing’s impossible. Not even discovering that hidden talent for golf. Why some day, someone could even discover a hidden talent for making a decent film. Or is that wishful thinking?

Again jaane bhi do etc. Next: hamara Ali has to be coached by a caddy to sharpen his skills at golf. Why why? Simply because Ali has to win a tournament versus a wealthy, vexatious sort (Jas Arora). Get it? The underdog has to bite the pedigree holder at his own game, à la Aamir Khan and team versus the Brits in Lagaan. Eeesh.

What! No women around on the scene? Fear not. Freaky’s heart goes dhak dhak-a-dhak for an Expressionless Wonder (Amy Jackson). To cater to the senior citizen constituency, the script organises a sweety-tweety foster mother, played by Seema Biswas. Completely wasted.

But then who or what isn’t wasted out here? It would amount to stating the obvious that despite an addled storyline, mediocre dialogue (straining for bombastic effect) and average technical support, Nawazuddin Siddiqui is still impressive and saves the day.

Maybe, but not mine at least. A single watchable performance can’t save this movie from the pits.

And dear readers, this is for your ears only. After this, I have promised myself that I will never ever see a Sohail Khan-misdirected film ever again. I refuse to get my chuddies in a bunch even in the line of duty.