She once said: "I am not comfortable talking about my divorce" and it seems that nobody tried to reach out to her after that to know what went wrong in her love marriage with TV actor Nitin Sahrawat.
SpotboyE.com called up Vaishnavi on Sunday evening and she was extremely forthcoming to divulge for the first time that her husband used to beat her up black and blue.
Shame on all such men before I start penning the Q & A that transpired between Vaishnavi and I.
You have been keeping a low profile. Where are you?
(Laughs) I am very much around. I just got done with a cameo in Yeh Vaada Raha. It's just that I have been chilling and travelling a lot.
What's the POA?
I have signed up for a film. It's called Vodka Diaries, it stars Kay Kay Menon, Raima Sen, Mandira Bedi amongst others. I play Ananya but I can't talk more than than that about it presently, Meanwhile, I am meeting up with film and TV producers- but nothing solid has worked out yet.
Why?
Probably because I have been chilling a bit too much (laughs). See, I have played quite a few characters on TV till date. Nothing sufficiently intriguing is coming on my plate that can excite me. I am looking for something that I haven't done so far. I want something that can excite
When is Vodka Diaries set for release?
I think it should release sometime next year. We haven't fixed the date though; Kay Kay fractured his hand while shooting and the shoot got stalled. Let's resume again and probably then I would have the exact date. We are now planning to shoot in January.
Had you taken a break after you married Nitin?
Not really. Nitin and I loved travelling a lot. So, we were on a travelling spree. Hum log bas ghoom hi rahe the poora waqt. We were rarely in Mumbai. As and when we stayed in Mumbai, we took up only short assignments of 2-3 months.
Thank God, I am still getting calls from many production houses. I have worked for 9 years in the TV industry, currently I guess I am in just a phase where you feel that things have become very monotonous and you get fed up. I am looking for something out of the box that will yet suit Indian TV audiences' sensibilities.
Can I ask you why your marriage with Nitin went for a toss? You'll got married with a lot of fanfare and had a very romantic honeymoon in a hut. Nitin said: He wasn't able to cater to your emotional needs...
Yes, I 'll take those questions today.
Tell us what exactly went wrong in your marriage...
I was a victim of domestic violence, which Nitin imposed on me. I couldn't take it beyond a certain point.
You are speaking this for the first time. So, it was your call to end the marriage...
Yes, it was my call. I I reached a saturation point where I couldn't bear it any longer. It was gruesome. How can you take such behaviour from your own spouse? That too, continuously. It was a very bad case of domestic violence. I even took him for counselling. Our parents too did everything to make him understand. But nothing worked. Yes, I am speaking about this for the first time. I kept hoping that he would change and our marriage would work but... (trails off).
Go on...
I resisted a lot but he still went on. Most of the time in my marriage with Nitin, I used to be in a depression. There were good times in the middle sometimes but if something such drastic is happening alongside, then everything is just gone. You know what I mean.
SpotboyE.com called up Vaishnavi on Sunday evening and she was extremely forthcoming to divulge for the first time that her husband used to beat her up black and blue.
Shame on all such men before I start penning the Q & A that transpired between Vaishnavi and I.
You have been keeping a low profile. Where are you?
(Laughs) I am very much around. I just got done with a cameo in Yeh Vaada Raha. It's just that I have been chilling and travelling a lot.
What's the POA?
I have signed up for a film. It's called Vodka Diaries, it stars Kay Kay Menon, Raima Sen, Mandira Bedi amongst others. I play Ananya but I can't talk more than than that about it presently, Meanwhile, I am meeting up with film and TV producers- but nothing solid has worked out yet.
Why?
Probably because I have been chilling a bit too much (laughs). See, I have played quite a few characters on TV till date. Nothing sufficiently intriguing is coming on my plate that can excite me. I am looking for something that I haven't done so far. I want something that can excite
When is Vodka Diaries set for release?
I think it should release sometime next year. We haven't fixed the date though; Kay Kay fractured his hand while shooting and the shoot got stalled. Let's resume again and probably then I would have the exact date. We are now planning to shoot in January.
Had you taken a break after you married Nitin?
Not really. Nitin and I loved travelling a lot. So, we were on a travelling spree. Hum log bas ghoom hi rahe the poora waqt. We were rarely in Mumbai. As and when we stayed in Mumbai, we took up only short assignments of 2-3 months.
Thank God, I am still getting calls from many production houses. I have worked for 9 years in the TV industry, currently I guess I am in just a phase where you feel that things have become very monotonous and you get fed up. I am looking for something out of the box that will yet suit Indian TV audiences' sensibilities.
Can I ask you why your marriage with Nitin went for a toss? You'll got married with a lot of fanfare and had a very romantic honeymoon in a hut. Nitin said: He wasn't able to cater to your emotional needs...
Yes, I 'll take those questions today.
Tell us what exactly went wrong in your marriage...
I was a victim of domestic violence, which Nitin imposed on me. I couldn't take it beyond a certain point.
You are speaking this for the first time. So, it was your call to end the marriage...
Yes, it was my call. I I reached a saturation point where I couldn't bear it any longer. It was gruesome. How can you take such behaviour from your own spouse? That too, continuously. It was a very bad case of domestic violence. I even took him for counselling. Our parents too did everything to make him understand. But nothing worked. Yes, I am speaking about this for the first time. I kept hoping that he would change and our marriage would work but... (trails off).
Go on...
I resisted a lot but he still went on. Most of the time in my marriage with Nitin, I used to be in a depression. There were good times in the middle sometimes but if something such drastic is happening alongside, then everything is just gone. You know what I mean.
It became impossible for me to carry on with Nitin. I feel that it is not possible to stay in an abusive marriage until you yourself are abusive towards your partner.
Did his violent behaviour take you by surprise? You surely hadn't seen this side of Nitin during your courtship period...
Exactly. Nitin is an educated and good-looking guy. I don't know why he did this to me. It could be some frustrations that he had in his life. Every marriage has a few problems, but does that mean that we take such drastic measures?
Did you report the domestic violence to the police?
Okay, so you are getting into all the details. Fine, I shall tell you. Yes, I did file a FIR. But you know what?
What?
I took it for a very long time.
Did you not ask him that what comes over him that he starts behaving violently?
I don't hold grudges against him. I loved him and I initially took his violence.
Why did you take it in the initial stages?
I think I was blind then. I think that I didn't respect myself enough then to take a stand against him. I was definitely at fault to take such behaviour from him.
What was the flashpoint?
One morning, it became very bad. He wouldn't have killed me probably, but I got so scared that I ran away from the house. He had beaten me so badly that my leg was bleeding. That was my last day as his wife- emotionally, physically and mentally. I eventually got a divorce in January, this year.
What would he say when you questioned him about the violence he inflicted on you?
He would say: 'You deserve it'. He was not sorry about it. He would make up in some other manner but never with an apology. I see many marriages shrouded in domestic violence, couples stay together for their kids or society- but I eventually decided that I can't remain in a marriage devoid of love and respect.
Before I go further, it would be pertinent to put out Vaishnavi's WhassApp DP out here:
Has your violent marriage made you averse to men?
Yes, I don't like men anymore. I think it would take me a lot of time to come out from the cocoon I have created for myself. I am too guarded now.
Has any man tried to take advantage of your new single status?
Yes, it has happened. But luckily I have a set of female friends around me who warn me if and when they feel the same. I share my day-to-day proceedings with them. If I wanted, I could have gone ahead and had a relationship now, but I am not mentally prepared.
If you wanted, you could have had a fling or a relationship now. That's what you're saying...
If I was ready for it, why not? The day I am ready, the entire world would know about it. Like when I started dating Nitin, I was so frank about it.
Did you get sufficient alimony to fend for yourself?
I didn't want any alimony. By God's grace, everything is fine at my financial end. I wanted the divorce in a very smooth and dignified manner. I love Nitin's parents. I didn't want to subject them to any stress because of our stupidities.
Were they taken aback when they first learnt about their son's violent habit?
Yes and they explained him too that he was doing wrong, but were forced to give up after a point when they realised that he won't change.
Maybe Nitin's behaviour stemmed from an aggressive childhood?
Yeah, exactly.
How did your parents react to Nitin's violence?
Initially, I hadn't told them about it. But they were in a state of constant stress when I was with Nitin. They had sensed that things were not fine between us. Sometimes I couldn't answer their calls, and sometimes I couldn't talk to them properly.
And when you told them about it?
I remember that day. It was a very ugly scene at my house. They wanted me to end the marriage. They said: we haven't raised you to go through sh**. I was still not sure what I should do and kept hoping that my marriage would work. Today, they are glad that it's all over.
What else is happening in your present life?
Bas, now I am looking for good work as I told you earlier. I am going through coordinators, One needs a bit of luck too. My parents stay in Nagpur, but mom keeps coming to Mumbai say 10 days in a month. I stay in the city with my brother. I have done many shows like Na Aana Is Des Laado (Jhanvi), Begusarai (Maya), Sasural Simar Ka (Kamya) to name a few, and then some cameos here and there--- and I have enough money to survive for a few months at least.
Did his violent behaviour take you by surprise? You surely hadn't seen this side of Nitin during your courtship period...
Exactly. Nitin is an educated and good-looking guy. I don't know why he did this to me. It could be some frustrations that he had in his life. Every marriage has a few problems, but does that mean that we take such drastic measures?
Did you report the domestic violence to the police?
Okay, so you are getting into all the details. Fine, I shall tell you. Yes, I did file a FIR. But you know what?
What?
I took it for a very long time.
Did you not ask him that what comes over him that he starts behaving violently?
I don't hold grudges against him. I loved him and I initially took his violence.
Why did you take it in the initial stages?
I think I was blind then. I think that I didn't respect myself enough then to take a stand against him. I was definitely at fault to take such behaviour from him.
What was the flashpoint?
One morning, it became very bad. He wouldn't have killed me probably, but I got so scared that I ran away from the house. He had beaten me so badly that my leg was bleeding. That was my last day as his wife- emotionally, physically and mentally. I eventually got a divorce in January, this year.
What would he say when you questioned him about the violence he inflicted on you?
He would say: 'You deserve it'. He was not sorry about it. He would make up in some other manner but never with an apology. I see many marriages shrouded in domestic violence, couples stay together for their kids or society- but I eventually decided that I can't remain in a marriage devoid of love and respect.
Before I go further, it would be pertinent to put out Vaishnavi's WhassApp DP out here:
Has your violent marriage made you averse to men?
Yes, I don't like men anymore. I think it would take me a lot of time to come out from the cocoon I have created for myself. I am too guarded now.
Has any man tried to take advantage of your new single status?
Yes, it has happened. But luckily I have a set of female friends around me who warn me if and when they feel the same. I share my day-to-day proceedings with them. If I wanted, I could have gone ahead and had a relationship now, but I am not mentally prepared.
If you wanted, you could have had a fling or a relationship now. That's what you're saying...
If I was ready for it, why not? The day I am ready, the entire world would know about it. Like when I started dating Nitin, I was so frank about it.
Did you get sufficient alimony to fend for yourself?
I didn't want any alimony. By God's grace, everything is fine at my financial end. I wanted the divorce in a very smooth and dignified manner. I love Nitin's parents. I didn't want to subject them to any stress because of our stupidities.
Were they taken aback when they first learnt about their son's violent habit?
Yes and they explained him too that he was doing wrong, but were forced to give up after a point when they realised that he won't change.
Maybe Nitin's behaviour stemmed from an aggressive childhood?
Yeah, exactly.
How did your parents react to Nitin's violence?
Initially, I hadn't told them about it. But they were in a state of constant stress when I was with Nitin. They had sensed that things were not fine between us. Sometimes I couldn't answer their calls, and sometimes I couldn't talk to them properly.
And when you told them about it?
I remember that day. It was a very ugly scene at my house. They wanted me to end the marriage. They said: we haven't raised you to go through sh**. I was still not sure what I should do and kept hoping that my marriage would work. Today, they are glad that it's all over.
What else is happening in your present life?
Bas, now I am looking for good work as I told you earlier. I am going through coordinators, One needs a bit of luck too. My parents stay in Nagpur, but mom keeps coming to Mumbai say 10 days in a month. I stay in the city with my brother. I have done many shows like Na Aana Is Des Laado (Jhanvi), Begusarai (Maya), Sasural Simar Ka (Kamya) to name a few, and then some cameos here and there--- and I have enough money to survive for a few months at least.